It was something we always promised ourselves – when we get to Buenos Aires we will do the tango for Kev. For 2 people with no experience of dance, not much sense of rhythm or indeed much grace at all, the celebrities on Strictly Come Dancing didn’t have too much competition. But, we thought, if you are going to do something at all then do it properly. We started this challenge way back in the summer by looking on the net for dance steps and then trying our best around the kitchen – it was not promising – all we managed to do was dissolve in gales of laughter. So we searched out the Confiteria Ideal in Buenos Aires for some lessons. It was an amazing place – a café from around the 1930’s – with all original features. It looked like the staff were also from the same era; reminiscent of Miss Haversham’s house, it looked like it hadn’t been cleaned since then either. Never deterred by a bit of grime but deciding not to go for a coffee and a dusty cake first, we ascended the gracious staircase to the first floor into the huge bar and ballroom area to take our lesson. The floor was half full of a collection of couples all practicing their moves. Looking down at our feet, we realised that our footwear left something to be desired – Ant in his Timberland’s (he should have had nice shiny winkle picker lace ups) and me in my Teva’s (when I should have had very high, very elegant 4” stilettos with an ankle strap…) not a good start, but on this occasion probably much safer for all concerned! We explained that we had never danced before, and the teacher was quite understanding – hiding her amusement well at quite how bad we were! But practice makes perfect and we soon mastered the eight basic steps. Help was always at hand from two of the male teachers who would give extra tuition. One was about 55, large and frankly looked like he hadn’t washed since the café opened either. He explained to me in sultry Spanish that I had to let the man lead; in the tango, the woman is not allowed to think, just to follow…. I was encouraged to place my hands on his chest and push as he guided me round the floor doing the basic steps. To complete the tango illusion he insisted on locking his gaze with mine, and giving what I suppose he thought was a passionate, sexy gaze into my eyes under half closed lids – the tango is all about passion apparently. But the combination of my Britishness and the smell of old cigs on his breath didn’t quite do it for me! (You can see this Latin Adonis strolling across the picture, all dressed in black on the attached vid). Ant’s issue was slightly different – the tango is meant to be passionate, but sort of straight up and down – Ant discovers he naturally has a Latin rhythm with swaying hips - he’s probably been watching Gethin too much on Strictly. His teacher asks him if he was a salsa dancer! But with determination Ant and I just got better and better, after the eight basic steps, we were moved up a notch to do the “oche” – a sort of foot swivelling thing in the figure of eight in the middle of our eight basic steps, reminiscent of opening and closing doors. At last we had done it. We had mastered the tango. Our next step was our performance, and we scoured the tango maps for a milonga to go to the next night. Most of them open at 12 and close at 6, but that’s 12 midnight and 6am. So after a late dinner with Derek and Giles and Natasha, two friends of Derek’s who have been travelling for a year (see group pic), we made our way to our chosen milonga. Following the sounds of the tango, we made our way up the steep narrow stairs to the first floor which was heaving with people of all ages tangoing away. The room was very brightly lit – not your vision of a dark smoky tango bar at all – with small round tables lining the outside walls all laid with red and black cloths. It must have been a good milonga – the girl who had taught us the day before was there too, and yet again, we were the only touristas in the village. All the women sit down one side with the men on the other. There are rounds of three tango’s and some partners change each time after taking their pick from the opposite side. There were some really good dancers there who had obviously been doing this for years. For Dutch courage we ordered a bottle of their best vino (a bargain at about £3) and whilst it did its work, we took in the scene. Clothes generally were not good – bad sparkle seems to be the tango fashion du jour – but the shoes! Immelda Marcos eat your heart out. All very sparkly and very, very high….. We realised our moment had come – up we got and danced our tango – and a very good job we did too – basic steps and we included our oche! The pics to prove it are attached – the vid is of our first (and only!) class, and the pictures, our performance. But sadly for our public, we have taken the decision to quit dancing whilst at the peak of our career – that one tango performance in Buenos Aires, perfect though it was, was our last.
