Days to watch for falling coconuts... (26 - 30 December 2011)

OK global warming, enough already! Come to Phuket in December and January the brochures exhort, for calm seas and calm days.  The wind from yesterday continued all night and sleep was difficult due to the noise, not just of the wind but all the banging.  And by that I mean signs, chairs and falling coconuts rather than any other kind you may feel I meant!

The news is full of the unusual conditions for this time of year. "September in December" is one headline.  And at Hua Hin there is some damage due to the high waves and the beachfront is closed till the winds abate, hopefully in a day or two.

Big waves in Karon - well bigger than they should be....

The poor poolman has quite a job this morning as it's full of leaves and bits and chairs blowing around at breakfast.  But no so bad that I couldn't take a beach walk this morning.  But note to self, let the Soltan dry before you go out on such a windy day.  My legs now resemble sandpaper as the fine sand sticks really well.  I could file my nails on them...

OK, it doesn't look that dramatic, but it's a big branch broken by the wind...

Time for a skinny decaf.  Took a look at the mince pies, but couldn't bring myself to try one, after seeing Ant's yesterday, somehow they just didn't look right! 

Nearest thing to a mincie I could find....

And a walk round the market to the cheery morning chorus of "goo mornee, you lookee my shop, mornee pry" ringing out from stall to stall as I pass.  But still not sure I can forgive them yet for the 4XL episode....

And an evening in front of the telly, good old Slingbox did its bit and I managed to catch up with Downton Abbey, albeit in several chunks as the internet was on and off, along with flickering power. But the power stayed on, unlike some parts of Phuket.  The high winds seemed worse tonight, and again sleep interrupted.  At one point I thought someone was trying to get in the room as the slightly loose door was banging loudly with each gust of wind, frightened the life out of me...

But in between windy bits there is still some calm and sunshine, and time for a non Thai tea for a change, Shepherd's Pie in the Irish Bar, and I am even contemplating Sunday lunch there, seems I haven't got over my lack of a proper Xmas dinner....

So the days here gently blend into one, a beachy walk in the mornings when it's not too hot, a hopeful look in the markets for something different - never fulfilled, a stop for a decent coffee at the Movenpik then wander back to the hotel for a bit of reading while the shade is there by my pool, then retreat out of the hot sun and do a bit of my sewing, my picture of Battersea Park is coming along slowly.... And the big decision each evening as to where to eat.  It's nice to see loyalty rewarded, at the Little Mermaid a couple of nights ago instead of the usual mint, I got a tiny china elephant "for good customers and good luck for the new year", how nice.  

My tiny new elly.....

After dinner another wander through the crowded, noisy streets where families and couples all take in the evening. I admire the amazing displays of all kinds of fish and seafood in little wooden boats on ice ready to be weighed before cooking and take in the smells of a Thai evening, barbecueing food, citronella, the tang of the sea and of course, the drains....

A Phuket sunset....

And it's all happening in Karon now, a big roped off village complete with huge stages and lots of stalls appeared on the beach, where a two day DJ festival is on culminating in the countdown to 2012.  The music is pretty loud and given the number of very loud fireworks here on a normal evening, it should be quite a loud night...

And then back to my room to sit outside in the warm evening catching up on the telly! A new series of "Banged Up Abrod" to catch up on - lets just hope that that stays in the realms of the TV, I know everyone supposedly wants their 15 minutes of fame, but perhaps not on that show... The wifi at the hotel, apart fom a few glitches when the power is a bit iffy, is amazing, so fast at about 20 mps, making facetimes to Wales so good, I feel I am there (hello Dyl...). And then talking to the girls in Southern California, some 15 hours behind me. Magic!

What a lovely Xmas day (25 December 2011)

Breakfast in the sunshine and then a tuk tuk into Patong to meet up with Grant, Corina, Charlotte and Jonathon.  I shared the ride to Patong with three Norwegians (no "nil points jokes please....) and in the usual conversations about "where are you from " they said they knew I was English because I looked it.  I wonder why that is? Is it the beautiful English rose complexion, the cheap Primark clothes or the fact that I am never far from a why why - answers on a postcard please....

Xmas  lunch

Grant, Corina, Jonathon and Charlotte are here on their S E Asia cruise on the posh Legend of the Seas.  They were off on an elephant safari for the morning and really enjoyed it, but were in need of food when we met up after their early start.  So into the Jungceylon Centre for a great Thai lunch, followed by a trip to my shopping stop place for another why why and free wifi.  We skyped Ken and Ann back in the UK but the wind here is so strong today that it was hard to hear anything over it.  Their ship is moored out in the bay, but the wind is so bad that they couldn't use the usual tenders to get in and out... All I can say is I'm glad I am not joining them on their trip to Phi Phi Island tomorrow, it might be a rough ride...  Then off down the Bangla Road to see the "sights" with Grant trying to spot who was a lady boy and who wasn't! And a lesson in why not to be too soft when it comes to "street kids".  A really cute tiny Thai child approached Corina to buy a garland of flowers for £2. She is a bit of a softie, but couldn't buy them as nothing like that is allowed back on the ship.  The child turned on the tears stroking Corina's arm.  When she finally realised it was no sale, the child hardened her eyes and she spat out "f**k off then".  Her English was better than we gave her credit for!

But like Cinderellas they needed to get back on board for dinner, as the ship keeps time at one hour ahead of Thailand.  

So now as you all struggle to fit large turkeys into small ovens, I sit by the pool, enjoying the warm evening and watching the palms bending over almost double in the wind.  I got a text from them later to say they managed, due to their VIP staus to jump the four hour queue to get back on board due to the terrible conditions, they were soaked when they got back, and no food available on the ship as a lot of the staff were stranded ashore!  And their trip to Phi Phi tomorrow is cancelled due to the weather.

Facetime to  facetime,, Thailand  to  Wales

So I have a Xmas evening spent with friends too.  The miracles of Facetime take me to Gothic Villa to spend time with Ant, David and the Dyl.  So clever is it that I felt I could actually smell the turkey cooking and am still salivating over their taunting of me with a good champagne and Ant's home made mince pies.  Now a Pad Thai is all very well, but at this moment, I think I would sell my soul for a good English Xmas lunch in a cosy cottage in Wales with them. Then transported to Twickenham, to see Mum, Christine, the Harvey's and Totes, whose new nickname I gather is Roy as in short for royalty, that fits!  Looks like a good time was being had by all.  But now I regret the seven hour time difference as it would be lovely to settle down now and watch Downton Abbey with the rest of the nation, but hopefully Slingbox is still working and I can look forward to that on Boxing Day!

No room at the inn... (24 December 2011)

The nearest we are getting to a white Xmas here is the carpet of frangipani flowers all over the decking that get knocked off the trees by the odd heavy downpour... With all the non Brit Europeans here, Xmas Eve is the big day, and every hotel (apart from here thank goodness) has a poster outside advertising their gala dinner. And everyone around the pool was sporting their Santa hats today and wishing everyone happy xmas.  I had to double check the calendar to see I hadn't lost a day...  So with all their celebrating done today, looks like I'll be a solo Santa hat wearing sunbather tomorrow! But today, with all my Xmas shopping done yesterday, no last minute stuff for me, just a leisurely walk along the beach this morning and a lazy afternoon by the pool, with the odd tech problem thrown in. Why is iTunes so difficult?   All I want to do is transfer music from the iPad to the iTouch, but it does not go smoothly. And I hate Windows, why does it always play up.  OK Ant, I know, I should go the total Mac route....

So tonight's the night here in Karon.  All the "girls" are dressed in red and Santa hats. According to the Danes next door, the tradition for most people here is a big evening meal followed by presents - explains all the kids about tonight in their new clothes and up rather too late for my liking....

But no room at my favourite inn tonight, I arrive to find it closed for a Xmas Eve dinner booking. So round the corner to another place that looked nice.  Not one of my more successful meals - well, the green curry was really good, but a disaster on the why why front.  It's blowing a real gale here tonight, and at one point something heavy landed on the bamboo roof above me and dropped a pile of detritus right into my why why... Looking back of course it could have landed on me, but at the time...

Nothing for it but to give up and wander back to the peace of the hotel.  The walk back was somewhat bizarre, nearly getting knocked over in the wind, "O Little Town of Bethlehem" in tinkly Thai voices and language streaming out from a hotel's gala dinner, Thai's wishing everyone "Happy Xmas" and sounding exactly like (for those of you were privileged enough to hear it), Kev's very funny impression of the old Pope's Xmas message. And feeling like walking through downtown Baghdad as the fireworks are going off left, right and centre.  And when I finally get back a young guy and what looked like his Xmas present to himself in the form of a Thai girl, getting to know each other rather intimately on their balcony as I walked past!

Happy Xmas everyone, have a lovely day. xxx

Am with you in spirit... (23 December 2011)

And by that I don't mean a large gin... well perhaps a small why why whilst shopping!  So today is a huge shopping day, the last full day before Xmas, so the BBC keep telling me so thought I ought to do the right thing and join in.  But not a sprout in sight... there may have been no sprouts, but lots of apples... Well an apple store at least.  My iPod touch is so old now that I couldn't even pair bluetooth headphones to it, so it was time for a tech fix.  As usual these things are so much cheaper outside the UK and have just saved myself £85 (25%), and from a proper shop so it is not a fake.  Not too sure about the rather fetching LV cover I bought to go with it (from a different shop, I hasten to add....) Am now the proud owner of a nice white 64G one but of course now have to face the tech trials of iTunes and transferring data - perhaps I will need to join you in a little Xmas spirit to get that sorted... Wish me luck....

Do you think Louis would approve.....

But I am also pleased to say that my Thai language skills have come to the fore yet again, this time translating Russian English into Thai English. In the apple store the Russian customer and Thai shop assistant were having communication issues, so I decided to play the good samaritan and step in to help, it is Xmas after all and goodwill to all men and all that.... I was amazed, I translated the shop assistant's Thai English into English the Russian customer could understand and then the Russian English back to the shop assistant in Thai English. Result, perfect communication, I can see a business opportunity here. And you thought my skills were limited to why why and stee rye!  But sadly the Russian, reinforcing the national stereotype, didn't bother to say thankyou either to me or to the guy behind the counter who helped him... No goodwill to all men there it seems....

Dinner in town tonight and a lot busier, it seems the Xmas spirit is alive and well. Two Westerners in a drunken brawl being separated by two tiny Thai girls.  And an amusing spirited argument in the restaurant at a table of four German men and one Thai girl.  She was really sticking to her guns, and all seemed resolved by one of them nipping off to the cash point for more money - go girl!

Yes, you do have big bum.... (17 - 21 December 2011)

Well the skinny lattes didn't work then.  In the market wandering past the stalls, I tried to put the persistent stallholders off by saying that all their stuff was too small (true).  Have tried everything else to escape them, even using Ant and my Russian "Nyet" doesn't work here as it does elsewhere, given the clientele they all have a Russian sales patter! "No, no", she said, "we have to fit you", proferring a bikini and stretching it out so far you could hear the threads creaking. I put it against me and there was no way.  "Yes", she said looking me up and down, "you have big bum but we have extra large, fit you" and dragged me over to their equivalent Evans outsize department! And yes, their 4XL might just go round..... How depressing, and I might have to give them some tips on successful selling.  But having said that, I'm sure a Thai 4XL is really a size zero....

But undeterred, I sit typing this whilst enjoying another skinny latte and I notice they also sell mince pies.  They don't quite look like the mincies that I know and love, but any port in a storm may mean that this is the place for Xmas breakfast.  And talking of food, I tried the best Thai restaurant in Karon, enjoyed the prawns and even survived the salad bar, something I am wary of even in the UK. The only odd thing about the place was the name - The Vitaporn - perhaps viagra in the rice - run very efficiently by a Thai matriarch and her never ending successsion of sons.  Perhaps there is something in that rice after all!

Viagra salad anyone?

Tuk tuk inflation has really hit here.  They don't have the communal songtheaws that are all over Koh Samui that you can hop on and off and go anywhere for a few baht. The only choice here to get to Patong is to hire one yourself, and at over £12 (and that's bargaining them down to rock bottom) for the short return journey of 6kms each way almost rivals London cab fares.  I could walk despite the huge hill, but the road is really busy with coaches, lorries, bikes and tuk tuks and no pavements...

The hotel is filling up a bit now as I think those here for Xmas have arrived, although it is still nowhere near full.  I can't quite work out the economy here, nowhere is that busy, most of the beach beds lie empty all day and there is a huge hotel next door that is closed down, yet outside every hotel are boards outling the job vacancies for all manner of hotel staff from room maids to reception.  And the line of tuk tuks waiting across the road from the hotels seems to have no business at all with the drivers resting in their hammocks under the trees all day. The Brits certainly aren't here, having been here two weeks now (time really does fly when you are having fun), I have yet to hear a Brit voice, must be a record!

Xmas is coming.... (12 - 16 December 2011)

.....and Gill is getting fat!  Thought I needed to put a baht in the old man's hat to get some thin karma... It worked, after a week of searching, I have finally found somewhere to get a skinny latte.  Apart from diet coke, everything else here including the milk is full on fat.  Add to that a few days of rather heavy rain so less walking and copious amounts of stee rye it was in danger of getting out of hand! So on another cloudy but lovely and warm day I sit outside the Movenpick cafe and enjoy a good skinny decaf....  If it's a skinny one, does that mean that the little spice cake that comes with it is low calorie too?

But Xmas has been slow to come to Karon.  Apart from the "calming" music of Jingle Bells and "I Wish That It Was Xmas Every Day" (not a sentiment I agree with.....) as I boarded the Bangkok Airways flight, Xmas here has been strangely absent.  Until last night - now we have a veritable forest of Xmas trees growing up everywhere.

I went into "town" (Patong) a couple of days ago to look at the shops and to get a taste of home.  It's still there in abundance with Pizza Hut, McD's, Subway, Starbucks, Burger King , KFC and the shopping is still same, same.  Not sure why I expected anything different really! And of course Boots to stock up on yet more mozzie spray, I must be breathing Deet by now but the little b******s are still biting.  I got very excited when I saw that Boots have introduced their Ad Card here in Thailand, but sadly it's not gone global yet, so no baht points to add to my total! And on the notorious Bangla Road, I noticed a new outlet.  Now we've all heard of child day care and even doggie day care, but here in Patong you can get "Husband Day Care".  Apparently you leave your husband there whilst you go shopping and "our sexy girls" will look after them....  Xmas was much also more in evidence in Patong with carols blaring out in shops, from bars and even tuk tuks.  Jingle Bells in Thai does sound a bit odd... And the checkout staff in Carrefour all sporting Santa hats and a ginormous display of plastic Xmas trees.  I thought (but not for long....) of joining in with it all by buying a LED illuminated Santa hat, but you will be pleased to hear I decided against it.

Dinner a couple more nights at the Little Mermaid.  Not sure if they think it's my name, but they now greet me with "Hello, why why?......

TV Heaven (10 - 12 December 2011)

Hooray, the trusty Slingbox works fine so I am now able to look at the news, twitter and Facebook. Had to stop looking at any of these as the time difference here meant that I had to watch both X Factor episodes after they were shown in the UK and didn't want to see the result. Even I am not such a fan as to get up at 3am to watch! On Sunday night the rain was bucketing down so it was nice to sit and watch the telly. I had made it (or should that be waded....) to the little restaurant next door to the hotel - Ann's Place - where the food was good, but a little less so on the booze front. Faced with a choice of Thai wine or Thai whisky, I opted for the only other choice (well, I could have had a soft drink I suppose.....) and went for the Bacardi Breezer, I could get a taste for those.... Another bargain, chicken, stee rye and said drink all for £4. And yet more evidence of the dangers of Thai motorbikes, there was a guy in there bandaged like a mummy. All I can say is that had he never hired that bike, he would have had a much more even suntan to take home....

There are loads of places to eat here but have so far managed to avoid the "Cat and Bumroong" on the beach.... And indeed today I find Nirvana. I wandered up the main street tonight (Monday) and chanced the "Little Mermaid". Right on the street so you can watch the promenaders as they walk by, inhale the tuk tuk fumes, smell the drains, say no to the traders walkng by selling LED bunny ears and manicure sets, and wallow in the cacophony of the remaining taders touting their wares. OK so perhaps not the best location but the menu looked decent and it was busy and what I thought was a good price. When she took my order she asked if I wanted the included why why or salad. Now those of you who know me would of course expect me to choose the healthful salad, but bearing in mind warnings about eating salads abroad, I had no choice but to have the why why... So a plate of good spag bol (back on stee rye tomorrow) plus a glass of the best why why so far all for £3.69 at today's exchange rates. Looks like the "Little Mermaid" from now on then!

Paddling in Phuket (8 December 2011)

I am in Karon, the bay around from busy Patong where I was last time. This has a slightly older fashioned air about it, and is smaller and a lot quieter and missing the huge shopping mall, McDonalds and Starbucks. More of a bucket and spade sort of a place rather than bars and clubs. And bars that serve drinks, rather than girls on poles (as it were...). The beach is lovely pale sand and blue sea but is still crowded with beach beds lining every inch. The downside to Phuket is that most hotels are separated from the beach by a road (think South Circular.....). So busy that most hotels have a "lollipop man" outside to stop the traffic for you to cross! There are zebra crossings here, but they seem more like road decorations than meaningful safe havens from tuk tuks, cars and the ubiquitous moped. And another timely reminder not to hire a moped here, as I sit peacefully drinking my latte and typing this, some poor Western girl has just come flying off her bike...

But the crowded beach is less of an issue for me here. I have fallen in love with pool access rooms, where you can step straight into the pool for a paddle from your room terrace. I discovered these a couple of years ago when Carole came out here. Although the terrace here is quite small - care is needed after a couple of why why's as Thai Health and Safety don't require any sort of barrier between you and the water... Talking of why why, my Thai is coming back well and am still fully understood when ordering said why why and stee rye. And whilst the stee rye is still a huge bargain the why why is not at a fiver a small glass in the hotel of something they sell as why why, but even to my taste in cheap wine is almost undrinkable. It's at times like this I wish I liked beer...

Am staying at the Front Village hotel, yes, it's on the front with a distant view of the sea, and perhaps it was in a village many years ago when it was built.... It seems very quiet and unless it gets busier, the compulsory New Year Gala dinner will be interesting... The few other guests here seem to be Russians and Finns. In fact Russians are by far the majority of tourists in Karon, even the restaurants advertise "International Food, Russian Food, Thai Food and Fresh Seafood" in that order. So blini's and borscht for tea then?

But the staff at the hotel are lovely, and I think the excellent service in the restaurant is usual rather than the result of me being the only person in there... And am lovin' the welcome on the bed and the little elephants in the bathroom made from the flannels.

 Wifi is now sorted and as long as Slingbox keeps going I can sit on my terrace with a drink late afternoon and tune into Jeremy Kyle and catch up with all those episodes of "Banged Up Abroad". Fingers crossed it all keeps working so I can see the X Factor final - my taste in tv obviously hasn't improved! Aint technology wonderful, so good that it was fab last night to Facetime Ant at work in Hertfordshire as I tucked into a Pad Thai here!

Where did all that time go... (7 December 2011)

Here I am back in Thailand, feel like it was only yesterday I was here. Am as usual ensconced in the Great Residence Hotel near the airport before my flight to Phuket tomorrow. It was odd leaving the UK without Ant this time, but only 30 sleeps to go before our adventure into Burma! It was also odd to be on Qantas and not BA but in these credit crunch times I am using my BA points (or should that now be Avios points....) this time and Qantas was all available.

Luckily, the flood problems here have receded, at least around the airport, although there was still evidence of it over a large area that could be seen as we were coming in to land. And until recently the hotel had to substitute the airport minibus for a truck for some of the short journey to the airport. But not much else changes. The staff here are the same and as helpful as ever carrying my big bag up big stairs to the room. And I was pleased to see both national and yellow flags everywhere for my arrival, all around buildings and lining my route from the airport - until that is, I realised it had been the King's birthday on the 5th...